Take only memories, leave only footprints!

             

      When I was single I would be complaining about not finding the right man to spend my life with , when I found one and happily married, I fondly recollect the memories and the luxury of doing all the things I used to do when single. Travelling being one of them. Though a lot of the travel I did was mostly impromptu plans and to escape the monotony of a corporate job. Eventually I loved experiencing new places, new people, food and my " me time". For that matter even taking off alone to Hauz Khas Village (Delhi) just to cover that one shop or spot I didn't, the last time I visited, is literally the person I am. Any new place and food fascinates me. I have travelled quite a bit with my friends and those memories are cherished even today and will be etched forever. So make the most of singlehood, I say! I had met some new friends through another rafting trip. They were not very close friends but good travel companions. So one fine day, we made an impromptu plan and headed to Chennai, South India on a cold Delhi winter morning and landed on a hot and humid Chennai December for a vacation in Pondicherry.

                   
      To reach Pondicherry you have to book a Taxi or private cab which takes about 4 hrs to reach from the airport. The Pre paid Taxi services were economical, comfortable and safe too. We headed for our hotel straightaway which was located in the famous French colony.
     
      The French colony of Pondicherry is a small town built in a classic French architecture and with its unique old world charm. There are many hotels and motels available for lodging, ranging from budget to luxury. I had pre booked a budget hotel with basic amenities and facilities and it suited our pockets well. The colony itself is a one whole day tour with many restaurants serving Italian and fresh sea food along with the choicest of wines. The sea side was a place to swear by. There was a long walkway alongside the sea and glittery small restaurents on either side. The view is breathtaking at sunrise and sunset. In between it is extremely hot so early morning or sunset is the best time to visit.

A local fruit vendor

     

French architecture at the colony

The other most significant place of visit is the" Matri Mandir" or Auroville ashram which in itself is an experience of a life time. Since we were highly recommended to visit this temple by our hotel staff, we made our bookings for the next day. It took us approximately 2 hrs by car to reach the premises of the mandir. Upon reaching we had to do some formalities like registration, buying food coupons, viewing a short documentary on the history of the temple. It was then that we realized this temple had an inbuilt Ashram which was spread across hundreds of acres of land. To book a stay at the Ashram was almost a 6 months of waiting time. This Ashram is a complete detox stay where not only one has to meditate, eat simple food, wear simple clothes but also it is a complete 'No Gadget' zone. So if you are looking for a get away from the hum drum of a busy life and desire complete peace, this indeed is one of the places to visit. We had our lunch at the huge cafeteria which was right at the entrance before one embarks towards the Matri Mandir. Food is cooked and served with a smile by the volunteers of the Ashram who belong to diverse nationalities. It was mostly European and South Indian cuisine and simply outstanding in taste. The walk to the termple was a midst a man made forest. There waas silence throughout. Nobody spoke much. I guess everyone was soaking themselves in nature. The temple from the outside is a huge golden globe with carvings. No camera's or cell phones are allowed here. Infact there was no connectivity at all. The interior of this meditation temple is something that can only be felt and never explained in words. Light came through a small hole of the huge rooftop, illuminating the entire room with a light so heavenly in feel. There was pin drop silence. We sat there for some time and left in a state of trance.

An Italian eatery in the French colony

We walked through the lanes alleys visited some of the beaches too. Beach lovers will be disappointed as there wasn't a beach worth taking a Sun bath. Nevertheless we had a good time. What else do you expect with three women trotting all alone discovering the place with a new perspective. We interacted with the locals, mostly in sign language and broken English. Everybody spoke Tamil hence language may pose slight discomfort. But a traveller is always prepared for anything travelling throws at them.

We spent 4 days in Pondicherry taking in all the beauty the place had to offer and still wanted more. So just in case any of you are thinking about travelling in Winters then Pondicherry in Chennai is the place to be! 

Magnifique Fall

      It sounds quite like an oxymoron. On seconds thoughts, a Fall can be indeed magnificent if it is a beautiful waterfall or the season of Fall. My first encounter with the word Fall as a season was when I read aloud some of the finest pieces of poetry in our English prose syllabus. This was when I was in high school , quite a number of years ago. Well I can't be precise on the number of years for obvious reasons. It was my first introduction to Fall season and it's mesmerizing beauty that I visualized while reading through the work of some of the finest English poets. The rhyming stanzas with the choicest of English words made those poetry lines music to the ears and engulfed deep into my imagination. The other instance when I heard the usage of this word Fall was synonymous with the Fashion world. Like their Fall-Winter collection. So the impression I had, was that of a season of exquisite beauty. It is however one thing to visualize and then to get the opportunity of experiencing it real time. Just like watching a concert of your favourite band or singer on television versus attending it in person. It is always an out of the ordinary experience. When I reached US in the summer of 2015 I was still trying to get accustomed to a new country, new people, new almost everything. But just then, came the month of October and before I knew Fall season started!! One fine morning I saw the leaves of the tree right outside our house change its color. At first I assumed it was new flowers blooming but a closer look cleared the confusion. I went for a walk that very evening only to be mesmerized by natures haven. We live in New Jersey up north.  It is also popularly known as the Garden State. It now dawned upon me why it was named so. Truly the place turned into a riot of colors as Fall started. I have never seen so many different colors at the same time and at the same place. There were some places which literally felt like a Heaven on earth. I am sure for the native Americans it must be just another time of the year. But for me and I know of many like me, it was nature's bounty coming alive. All the poetry now seemed so relatable. Such scenic panoramic view would entice any person to desire to become a poet or a writer.  There is a slight nip in the air and the ground is strewn all over with fallen leaves. The perfect natural background to liven up your romance.

 This year we ventured out further up north to experience a myriad of Fall colors. My husband did a bit of research and came up with Catskill mountain trail , very popularly known for its Fall season. We wanted a short drive, scenic view and wanted to be back to our nest before dusk. With a toddler this seemed a fair deal for all three of us. So started our drive around 12pm and hit the entry of the mountaun trail in about an hour. The rest of the trail was a breathtaking scenic drive with colored mountains and trees on either side. I just wished I knew photography better to justify what my natural lenses captured but nevertheless , we soaked in its beauty throughout the day.  There were many resorts and cottages offering luxury stay amidst the lap of nature. But we were content with our plans and as dusk neared, we made our way back home only to relive the memories visualize every view as much as we can.... hopefully there will be more such happy days ahead!

With love to Daddy ~ Heaven & Above

Wish I could say thank you for one last time!

        It's my birthday month and while my husband got busy preparing surprises for my upcoming birthday I somehow didn't have a good feeling about it. It's rather strange. I have been known in my circle of friends to always have celebrated my birthday in a grand fashion. Post marriage my husband made sure the saga continued. In fact he almost reminded me of my father and the way he pampered on this special day. This year however it was a life changing month of August for me. Two weeks prior to my birth date early morning, I got a call from my brother in India. Daddy is no more! He said. Though I knew it was coming all along but I just could not make peace with it. Last two years have been excruciatingly difficult for him health wise. And on the 10th of Aug, at the crack of dawn, he passed away peacefully in his sleep. He was 84.

          The bestest time a daughter has in her lifetime is when she is in the cocoon of Daddy's kingdom. She is the ultimate princess. It's been so long yet beautiful memories never blur. Those days daddy was posted out of the city and his short monthly trips to home was something that I eagerly waited for. Though not realizing then, how much he meant to me and how much I valued him for what he has done for all of us. Despite the tiring journey to be with family he would embrace us with gifts and get down to check on our school progress reports. He never expressed happiness or displeasure on our academic performance but would say,  " you can do even better next time". I have fond memories of those evening outings that he would take me to.  My favourite activity was visiting the only park of the city, then, and feed the fishes in the pond after playtime in the swings and slides. The evening would end with a scrumptious meal at one of the restaurants in that area. Both of us loved Chinese food and I learnt to eat with a fork and knife from him. Such happy moments! Years later when I left home to pursue my career , distance made me distant from my father. Self centric as I had become , I slowly pushed away the most loving man of my life. I was drowning in the life of independence and getting used to the metropolitan living. In between there were few conversations with him over the phone , some nice some bitter. Nevertheless I loved him and yet there was a time I had a lot of resentment and anger towards him.

            Everybody is blessed with a father but it takes a lot to become a Daddy. Today when I am left with nothing but a flashback of sweet memories of Daddy, all I can recall is the ever so dutiful dad that he was, working hard to provide for the family , the very best that he could. He dedicated his entire life to his family, and when I say family I mean our extended paternal and maternal family. For him everybody was part of one big unit. I visited him two months before his demise. It was painful to see the man, who once toiled in the heat, sun and rain reduced to almost nothing.  The hardest part of growing up is seeing your parents grow old. Dad had become frail and feeble. He lost his vision and suffered from dementia. As I sat by his side trying to strike up a conversation,  I realized I was erased from his memory. He couldn't figure out who I was and why I called him daddy.  I felt a lump on my throat and yet I tried to remind him everyday for the next five days. It was all in vain. I returned back to the US, and I knew it was the last time I was seeing him alive! May his soul rests peacefully and may he be reborn with extreme good fortune and karma. I wish daddy that you be happy and spread happiness as you did always. Lots of love ~ forgotten daddy's little girl!

Cosmic Connections!

        On the 4th of July, I completed three years of married life. So much has happened in these three years that it seems I have time travelled to 10 years forward. I was reading an article today on Cosmic Connections and it made so much sense looking back at my past. For your reference here's the link ~

 http://educateinspirechange.org/spirituality/dont-meet-anyone-accident-5-types-cosmic-connections/

         Flashback fours years ago, it was the year 2013. One of my worst years and life had fallen into rock bottom. Someone once told me, when you hit the bottom, there's no other way but to come up. Almost close to being bankrupt,  jobless, failed investments and attempts to get back to earning a living again and to top it all, dealing with my father's failing health and fighting a legal case as old as 35 years for him. All at one time , it seemed like a living hell at that point in time with no hope of light at the end of the tunnel. It was during this phase, that I learnt to be the strongest, courageous and most importantly, to never give up on Hope! Dwayne Johnson once said, "If you are going through tough times, keep going. Be unstoppable." So I kept going, challenging myself as much as I could have. Sure enough the path became clearer, the solutions came pouring in and I met the right people at the right time. By the beginning of 2014 the storms subsided, life was calm and started getting smoother.

         I met my husband during this toughest phase of my life. Till date I do not know why he decided to marry me. I was at my lowest low and would barely dress up or put on make up. At times my days would be so hectic running around to fix things that I would meet him for a date in the evening, totally disheveled. He still found beauty in me. It was not  difficult for me to decide to marry him. We find people sharing your life in good times but ones who stand by you during the bad times are the people worth sharing your life with. We eventually got married in July 2014 and blessed with the most beautiful boy in Nov 2015.

           Every single meeting or encounter can serve a greater purpose in life. During our life's journey we shall be faced with the following five types of Cosmic connections.

1.Those meant to awaken us.
2.Those who remind us
3.Those help us to grow
4.Those who hold space for us
5.Those who stay

The events and the chanced upon meetings with people from various walks of life during my crisis helped immensely to overcome the challenges. Some awakened me, some were reminders of worthy lessons, long forgotten, some helped me grow and discover my own potential and some who shall stay forever, like my husband! So do not get disillusioned when you are faced with betrayal, breach of trust at any level, being taken for granted, because these people in your life will help you eventually win a greater battle. They help prepare you for the unseen. Though the resultant maybe inconspicuous. But sooner or later you will discover the hidden benefits.

Happy to meet my childhood🤡

Teaneck Carnival, NJ

   
          The child within each of us longs for the carefree life we left far behind. But as we reach different milestones, the longing to go back to those days of living a free spirited soul is burdened with many roles that each one of us has to play. I had long forgotten those days of taking pleasure in the most simplest of all things. I started working just after I graduated.  It was compelling for me to be financially independent more than having a career or goal in life. I took up the first job I cracked. But till today, I feel proud to look back on my decision to join a company which in the later years were extremely formative in making me the person who I am today. Though I did enjoy working a lot but few years later , life became quite robotic professionally. It was 14 years later that I finally got married having found the right choice to partner for life. Till then I never knew what marriage would be like. Surprisingly it had a great start and it added a spark with the birth of my baby boy. As I struggled alone to learn about motherhood and putting my best foot forward, never ever did I imagine I would relive my childhood once again through my own child.
                       

Van Saun County Park, NJ

            Every day when I take my little boy for a walk or to play in the children's park , memories of my childhood come flashing by. I remembered on one of such instances how much I used to love feeding fishes. My daddy would take me to the only park that used to be there in our city, across the college I studied. Every Sunday, we played see saw, slides and swings. Finally our last stop would be by the pond of golden fishes and Daddy would buy me food to feed the fish. Such precious memories were long forgotten until I started enjoying life through the eyes of my little one. I am a stay at home mother for the last 1.5 years. I have been thanking God's grace to have given me this time that I could enjoy every little thing of my baby's daily life. The special ones shall always be our outings together. The child in me has come alive and it is a wonderful feeling to be in the moment, just enjoying the smile that you can put on your child's face. I love the slow pace that I am in, simply gazing at the sky or nature makes me wonder if I ever appreciated mother earth as much as I do now. I find beauty in many little things that I see everyday and how I wish this could lasts till eternity.

          Esplanade, Las Vegas         

         However I am not sure how long this would last. Well someday I have to be back to the grind again. Until then, I am busy making hay while the sun shines merrily 🤗

Sweetest Sixteen since 16!!

      I do not recall much about my sixteenth birthday and year, except that it was another day and a whole year. The struggles remained the same. Getting through high school with good grades if possible, no dreams or aspirations, a confused teen cursing for not being intelligent enough, pretty enough, fair enough, or to be a wannabe at the least for a day. Yes, it is indeed the story of more or less most teenage kids back then and I guess even now. Just that the amount of confusion  in teenagers have risen alarmingly, that's  what I feel observing them these days. Parenting, on the other hand, has evolved to a great extent and parents now, are much more informed and willingly go that extra mile for their children. I missed all of that in my parents though. We just grew up like any other kids in the neighborhood and our parents never worried about our adolescent trials and tribulations, the many struggles we had with our inner voice and no parent to share with because these weren't issues for them that mattered at all. Infact they were not issues at all. The emotional connect was completely missing. Today I see so many of my mates from school and college giving it all to parenting. Coming back to myself, I had serious doubts ever since I conceived. I used to even have nightmares of not being a good enough parent. However things were different now, I wasn't as confused as I was growing up to be sixteen and even when the confusion rolled over to my early twenties. A good decade plus of work experience, meeting people from different walks of life, being a listener , reading books and inspirational write ups, made up for some amount of that mentorship I always sought but never had. Surely I didn't feel as helpless as I used to then, for I knew that the greatest of all achievements was in overcoming one's fears. Hence no matter how much I feared, that I may not be a good enough mother, I still worked my way through it.

         Some of the basic things I did was of course to reach out to my friends who had by then, become an ace in parenting , some of my cousins as well and referred to the book," What to expect when you are expecting?" Of all the options the Paedritician and my friends practical hands on experience helped the most. Nevertheless the book was still useful. The only part that I didn't approve of, in the book, was that it gave too much information about what could go wrong in each stage of pregnancy. Though it is good to be informed but for souls like me, who could easily be swayed into pessimism, I preferred to read more on the brighter side of pregnancy. If anything at all has to go wrong in the whole nine months of evolution process, I would deal with it anyway. Having said that, the book still added to my limited, to almost no knowledge about pregnancy and parenting. It certainly helped. Infact any help or positive advice during this phase was more than welcome. I took one day at a time, did not overload with too much information but kept myself open to any learning. The biggest difficulty was however our shift of base from India to USA which I did not realize immediately. The birth of a child itself is such a paradigm shift of life for a mother, having to deal with many aspects never known. So any help in the form of maid, cook or family members, is the biggest relief. Unlike in a country like USA where you have to be multi tasking between the role of a nanny cum cook cum cleaner cum host. It indeed becomes a daunting experience. I hardly ever cooked before marriage and post marriage we had a cook and a part time maid. Life was easy. The whole equation changed the moment we landed in America. Every household work has to be done by you. Of course you can hire cleaners and cook, but unfortunately we didn't have that privilege as it was too expensive.I had to step into the shoes of multi tasking all household chores. Of course my husband would chip in, and I slowly started to get a hang of it though I was still far behind.

        Finally the day dawned when I held my baby boy in my arms. Weighing a mere 5.11Lbs (2.3Kgs) and arriving three and a half weeks early he still looked such a handsome little man and by God's grace perfectly healthy. He was tiny and I remember being scared of holding him. The moment he was born, he gave birth to a new, me. There were no excuses , even if I didn't know an iota of parenting. It was simply expected that I would know it all. But to tell you the truth, changing diapers, to feeding, to changing clothes, bathing, putting baby to sleep, every damn task was alien. But I learned and I learnt it with patience and eagerness. I was so happy from the moment I set my eyes on my little magic, that I was willing to learn and unlearn anything and everything to make each day a happy one for him. Thanks to friends, Internet and social media, interactions across globe helped me pulled through the toughest phase. And the instructional designers who do a great job of visual explanation of how to do things behind every little stuff we bought for our child. Starting from diaper change to clothing, to feeding bottles, every instruction would be in detail. And that helped immensely. My husband was helpful too but men would be men. As much as he tried to learn himself, he still preferred cooking and cleaning over babysitting, feeding or for that matter anything to do with the baby except for napping together😎 Both of them loved snoring and napping away.
                     

Far from the Maddening crowd

   
      Today my little boy completes 16 whole months! As I look back on the sixteen months gone by in a flash, I realized it was the most fulfilling, satisfying, full of love, exhilarating months of my life. Forgot to mention, the most tiring, exhausting beyond compare, overwhelming, at times nightmarish in broad daylight, insane but these negative feelings were tucked behind somewhere in comparison to what I received from learning to be a mother to my handsome child. He is a happy, energetic, lively, bright eyed honey toddler with the most beautiful smile that could melt any heart. It has been and will continue to be on top of the world feeling probably forever. Not because that I became a mother but because I quite successfully nurtured him all alone through these months and still managed to keep him safe and alive. Why I say alive is something that only mothers will understand? The kind of tumbles, falls that infants and toddlers manage to survive, sometimes makes you wonder if at all they are made fall proof :-)  Nevertheless it is the best sixteen months that it has turned out to be since I turned 16 decades ago!

More is Not Enough!..... Mommies, take it easy, I say!

           Life as a bachelorette was a completely different world. A world where I made my rules, and my fiesty upbringing contributed a lot towards it. So if anyone ever dared to make me feel or say that I am not enough, God save that soul. I learnt it the hard way but sooner I understood that to have a life of my own with the dignity I demanded irrespective of my non conformist attitude, I had to brave it out. And oh! Boy, what a fight it has been and I am fairly happy with the way things have turned out so far. Despite the constant wagging tongue of extended family & acquaintances, some even so called friends, trying to dictate how I should fit into the norm of socially acceptable woman, according to a long list of hypocritical standards, I still followed my heart. I defied almost every other typical norm with no regrets. There was absolutely no room to hear or take on any form of rubbish.

         With this attitude life kept moving, sometimes smooth and at times bumpy yet things kept falling into place until one fine day. On this day, I became a mother to a beautiful baby boy in 2015. Life was full of happiness, a state of sheer bliss. Everyday I faced a new challenge but still found reasons to be happier than the day before. Not knowing how to handle this new roller coaster ride, at times I would be overwhelmed with the thought of whether I was doing things right. After all even I wanted to be the best mom. I took one day at a time, spoke to cousins and friends, and I got better with each passing day and slowly started to gather my confidence. Eventually few months later I realized that, being a mother is about learning of strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. It's a journey unique to every mother and her story of upbringing her child. But is it that simple? It isn't complicated either, if only, we, as women could have been more compassionate towards each other.

           The first few months as a new mom are the most difficult ones. You are suddenly exposed to a world which you had no clue earlier. Lucky are the ones who have their parents or elders to tend to their daughters during this time. It was in this difficult phase that I realized how vulnerable I was. My strong fiesty nature somehow vanished. I was seeking help, a hug, comforting words and at times a shoulder to cry. I started browsing through Internet sites to reaffirm if I was doing things right, only to be utterly disappointed. These articles and websites were full of negative comments by mom's who would blatantly accuse of other moms of the most ridiculous things you have ever heard. Things like mom's who do not breastfeed are labelled lazy, selfish if they decide to pursue career and put the child in daycare or just plain , you are not enough! Infact it used to be a loud,  YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH, with a tight virtual slap. It pained me even more, and I would seek refuge in friends, and Thank God for them, they would bring back my sanity. My birthing was in America, far away from my country, India, still conservative in many aspects, where a woman is subjected to judgements throughout her life, specially a new mom. It is like everyone else knows better than the new mommy herself. It could get to a point of suffocation where nothing that you do, for your child, is enough, why??? Because somebody in the family or in extended family has had the privilege of rearing a child before you did. For that matter even if it is few months or 30 years earlier. You remain a subject of microscopic scrutiny day after day.

         I assumed, my life would be much better than those women back in my country, since I was in one of the most developed countries in the world. A country where women are as empowered as men. To my dismay, the story of motherhood remain the same and probably will be the same in any corner of the world map. Sad but true. I therefore decided to stay away from negative thoughts and comments and started to discover my own unique journey of motherhood. And why not, every child is unique and hence motherhood itself becomes an unique journey.

            The idea after all is to raise happy, healthy, confident little people who would grow up to not only be successful but most importantly be happy in life. So why can't a woman be that anchor in another woman's life. Is it really necessary to yell and prove that I am right and she, is wrong? Dont you think we, as women should be even more empathetic towards another when it is about making individual choices. I mean choices of a certain mother does in no way affect the choices of another mother. It is made with the bestest intention in mind, purely thought for the happiness of the child. Then why beat each other black and blue even on a virtual platform.

           It is perfectly ok for a mother to make certain choices regarding her child that may appear adverse to you or not upto your liking. But do we really know the circumstances under which that mother has had to make those choices. No right! We can't be sitting at the comfort of our homes and bashing up another mother just because her choice does not resonate with you. You never know what she has been going through, maybe she was alone with no help whatsoever, and looking for comfort in your response to deal with a certain situation. We all mothers must have gone through such moments at some point in time. The least we can do , is not add up to her existing dilemma. And even if you disagree to her view point, it is fine as long as you agree to disagree and state what you might have done best in that particular situation. Atleast do not hush her up with obscene accusations. Let's learn to be more empathetic rather more tolerant, specially to a new mom. She needs it, I needed it badly, and I can swear mostly women need someone to listen to her woes during this vulnerable phase. More so if you are handling this roller coaster ride all alone. It is utmost important to show kindness and compassion to a fellow mom when she is striving to be the best that she could. We all have gone through this beautiful yet overwhelming phase, let's pledge to be not just a good mom but also a good fellow mom.

With love from a New Mom

Valentine Cacophony

One Love is all you Need❤

It is finally that day of the year when LOVE is everywhere to be seen and heard. At a certain point during the day it almost feels like a volcano of emotions got erupted. It's a good feeling though (to many of us)and no matter what the critics have to say, it does feel good to show or acknowledge love in an extra special way on 14th of Feb every year. I really do not have much memory of when Valentines day became a celebration in India. But as a teen growing up in a small city by the river Brahmaputra, Valentines day was about roses and a crowded Archies shop, the only one in the city. While coming back from school we would see couples dressed up and exchanging roses, gifts and maybe more. Some of my classmates overwhelmed with proposals from eligible boys from other schools (ours was an all girls school). I however had the longest wait before anyone offered a rose on Valentines day. I finished school, college, started job and every year I would always be a silent spectator of this mega event. There was a faint hope within, that someday I would be in love and be loved and celebrating valentine's day would be an annual event in my life too. The day did come with a bang when I met my husband in 2013 and we celebrated a grand valentine's in 2014. But prior to that the wait was the longest one. Over the years, expression of love that I witnessed growing up got lost with the advent of advanced technology.  A virtual world opened up and loving each other was more about sending texts, whatsapp pings, Orkut, Facebook, now twitter et al and this has become the glitterati of Valentines celebration. There's nothing wrong in it though in expressing your love to your partner in a way that half the world gets to know. Well thats how fast word travels in the virtual world. The only thing that bothers me is cynics ought to learn to live & let live. I mean in todays world, love is needed in abundance, so if someone expresses his or her emotions on their own virtual account, why does it have to be trolled by another?

Though love happened much later in my life but I always hoped and believed in love. There was never any cynicism around it. Even as a bachelorette I would celebrate by going out for shopping, gifting self with goodies, hanging out with friends.I knew that Love is valuable and it doesn't come easily. People get shattered in their pursuit of finding love and to be loved. After all who doesn't want to be the most important person in someone's life! But sometimes life can be hard, I know this because I have been in that zone long ago. To put life's scattered pieces back together and to move on, is easier said than done. But in the end we have to do it and keep moving until we find the right love . And when I say right love I mean " Love that helps you become the best person you can be~Chetan Bhagat". But until you find the right love let the rest of the world peacefully be in love. There's no reason to be filled with so much angst and criticism. To each his own!

This year as the clock struck midnight , officially it was 14th of Feb. And suddenly there is a spate of Facebook feeds with mushy declarations for better halves, thanking for a beautiful life, hardships sailed together to pictures of dinner dates, changing profile pictures with a Valentines frame and so on. It feels good to see love in so many corners of the world when the other half of the world is falling apart in war, hatred and conflicts. However I am still amazed to see equal amount of trolls and idle banter about Valentines day. I have some extracts from the posts I picked from my feeds to give you a flavor of the anti Valentine brigade. Here's the first one😎




Jesus Christ! I am in a happy relationship. Just like I love my birthday but I celebrate it only once a year. Similarly I love my husband but I take the excuse of Valentine day to show him , I care. Lest he forgets, you see life isn't easy with a toddler in the house and doing cleaning, cooking, washing all by yourself, love  certainly flies out of the window with other priorities taking over.

      There were some really funny and some heart warming posts too.

Isn't true for a lot of us!

                   

Recipe for Love~game anyone? 😍       

A very well known bollywood actress turned author and columnist also wrote her version of Valentines Day celebration which got published in a leading daily newspaper. It talked about the chemical reactions that ignites the so called feeling of love. It did have elements of humor but some tooth breaking vocabulary too.I woke up early morning to read the headlines of a newspaper quoting a country that denounced the celebration of Valentines day because it was against their religious beliefs. I am almost exhausted reading all the hue and cry over a certain day dedicated to love. Nevertheless it still wouldn't stop people playing cupid on this day. For all we need in life is just One Love to Live!

I couldn't end this Cacophony without quoting the most impactful proverb by Tyler Knott Gregson ~" How unique to this human experience that we all just wish to be the most important thing on earth to someone else".

So Love yourself first and you will be able to love more. Happy Valentine's day to the ones celebrating, the ones who are waiting, the ones who are broken, it's time to put the pieces together again, the ones who loved & lost, the ones who was lost only to be loved once again.......keep weaving your own unique journey of love!

I made a Miracle happen!

        By dictionary definition a Miracle is ~ "A surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency". In my case though the literal meaning of this word did not deem fit yet I still could not define it as any other phenomenon but a miraculous one. Maybe because it played against the odds of having one with many like me.

        A lot of us grow up with the dream of having a good education, a good career, eventually get married to an ideal partner and then of course the life cycle of procreation and having the pride of extending your lineage to the next generation continues. The caveat, however, to all of the above milestones is that it should preferably happen by a certain timeline. Not because society has a norm but more of the biological clock that fiercely ticks away, waiting for none, no matter how much ones tries to run against it.  Well, there is a huge number of the entire population on earth for whom these milestones seem to happen almost just at the right time. Except for far and few like me. Now the same situation is not applicable to individuals who dream big. Marriage and family takes a back seat and they are busy with their life's pursuits. But it wasn't like that for me. I fall into that large category of human species who did not want to delay marriage and family by choice but it was purely coincidental and to a large extent circumstantial. I mean, what do you do, if for reasons unknown , you end up finding the wrong person twice in your life. Thank goodness! Atleast I had the strength not to succumb to emotional misguidance.

       So I waited and decided that if marriage has to happen, it should be a great partnership for life. This decision was a tough one as most of my so called extended family, some of my so called friends would always come up with the most innovative ways to taunt. But it made me even more thick skinned. Today I am glad I became one. Eventually I got married to a person I almost half imagined the way he should be as a person. But it all happened when I was all of 34 years!!  Way beyond the biological clock.

      Me and my husband had an amazing story of how we organized the wedding all on our own. The wedding was a great success and the outcome was a bunch of happy family and friends. Life after marriage was as exciting as our courtship period. We had an amazing 10 months of marriage when one day both of us mutually decided to travel the path of parenthood.  Since we were of the same age , we assumed conceiving naturally may be difficult for us. Hence we agreed  to give it a try for maximum 6 months post which we will consult a good gynecologist for way forward. But destiny had already made the plans. A month later I missed my period date. I did not worry at all as it had happened few times before. But when the delay lasted for more than a week I got anxious.  My husband told me to do a home pregnancy test. I laughed it off saying it can't be possible. But nevertheless the next day I still went ahead with the test. We were stunned when it came positive. My husband got excited too but we held our composure till we get a thorough check up done. We got the doctors appointment after two days. Those 48 hours were of intensity, tension and restlessness.  I wanted to cry when the doctor confirmed that the pregnancy was positive. But she told us to wait for another week by which I would have completed 6 weeks into pregnancy , which is the ideal time to check the vital stats of the foetus.  I kept calm throughout that week and requested my husband not to mention to anybody until we are absolutely sure. I wanted to be happy, scream with excitement and announce it from the top of a mountain to everyone. But my pessimism held me back. I just kept thinking how could I be so lucky when I know of so many couples who are trying to have a child for years and gone through various treatments and yet were unsuccessful. How could it happen so easily to me? Guess these kind of thoughts creep in when life has given things to you the hard way.

         When the lab reports of my tests came, the doctor proudly announced that a happy healthy baby has started growing inside me. The feeling of seeing a little human grow inside of you through an ultrasound is almost inexplicable . All thanks to modern science & technology and its gifts to mankind. The virtual image of a tiny baby was nothing less than a near miracle for us. The next few months went pretty slow or maybe it seemed slow as I was waiting anxiously for the baby to arrive. Thankfully I did not go through any major complications. But I still kept my fingers crossed,  hoping everything would be fine and I would be blessed with a happy healthy baby soon. Though my inherent character is extremely optimistic but during my whole pregnancy I struggled with pessimism.  I used to have nightmares of waking up and finding my baby is gone or something worse has happened.  Later while reading an article on pregnancy I found these symptoms were quite common especially in first pregnancy. In my 37th week I was diagnosed with a liver complication.  The doctors decided to induced me into labor . I have always been extremely scared of hospitals and doctors. This decision did worry my husband a lot and me slightly. But I had immense faith in the work of the Divine. I let go of my fears and just decided to take a moment at a time. I was admitted to Englewood hospital by 4pm on 16th November, Monday,  2015 and on the 17th of November 2015, at 12.25pm I delivered a happy healthy wide eyed baby boy without any  further complications.  Ten minutes post my little boy was born the nurses latched him against my chest. As I held him, it dawned on me that the greatest miracle on earth has been bestowed on us. I am the blessed one to be able to make such a beautiful baby, a work purely of the Divine. I have always led a mediocre life, a job which paid my bills, struggling to make a good life for myself, learning with life's experiences,  there was nothing extraordinary that I have done so far until that fateful moment.

When I held my tiny bundle of Miracle close to my heart, life never felt more beautiful😍

     If ever in life I would achieve anythiing worthwhile of being called extraordinary , still I know for sure it can never be close to the miracle of bringing my baby boy to this world. A phenomenon which for me is and will always be a Miracle even if I know it is a biological and scientific process that many many women around the world experience in their life cycle. My birthing process shall be my Miracle forever!!

When we met! "Coco & I"

           No, it wasn't  COCO CHANEL, I would have almost fainted in excitement, wish she was alive in my era. My knowledge about American television starts and ends with F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and the legend of talk shows, Oprah Winfrey. In the 90's,  Star Channel in India had a variety of American series which of course now have become paid channels. And I am not sure whether they aired all the programs which were telecast in US back in those days. The point I am trying to make here is that my knowledge of American television is extremely limited. Hence it is obvious that most celebrities associated to American television may very well go unnoticed. So what happened when a desi in a foreign land met a native celebrity?

         I had just completed my 36th week of pregnancy and was due for my regular check up at the Englewood hospital. My mother in law had come to the US to savor the much awaited moment of seeing her first grandchild. She has infact never till then seen an ultrasound of a human foetus. So I took her along with another female friend of mine to the hospital to give her a glimpse of the baby manufacturing in progress 😉There were certain standard procedures of registration we had to go through every time we visited the hospital for a regular growth ultrasound of the baby. There is a waiting space for all patients until their names are called out to come forward to the assigned desk to complete initial formalities. The moment we reached the hospital, my mother in law and my friend took a seat on one of the empty rows and I sat down at the corner seat adjacent to their row next to an American lady. While we were patiently waiting, the three of us engaged ourselves in casual conversation in our mother tongue. Once in a while my glance would land up on the phone screen of the lady sitting beside me. She was totally engrossed on her phone. Quite petite and definitely looked like any other woman next door, what followed next was a series of LOL moments. I could sense that something kept bothering her and after a while , I guess, she could hold herself no longer. She politely said a hello to me and enquired which country we came from. I with my usual pride of nationality responded, that we came from India. After the initial exchange of general stuff like when I was due, if I knew the sex of the unborn baby, to ultrasound experiences and many more under the roof of that waiting room, came the moment of truth. It took me by surprise and awkwardness, when she asked if I watched American Television. Well of course I didn't, after coming to US, my husband very prudently bought a TV and installed the Indian channels to keep myself entertained with the Indian sagas. She looked perplexed but then decided to take matters into her hands. Very politely, she announced to the three of us that she is a famous American television celebrity. My reaction still was none , though I tried to wear like, " Really, how nice" kind of expression. She was visibly dissatisfied.  So now, she formally introduced herself as Coco Austin but I still wore the same blank look. I think she must have felt like doomed for the day. I mean imagine!!! that you are well known celebrity in a country where in most likelihood, people will be in complete awe to get a chance to look at you up close personally. And here the dilemma was that our so called celebrity was trying her utmost best to unravel her high end credentials to a bunch of people , clueless about American television 😀 Since her efforts  had no effect on us, so she assumed maybe her lost celebrity status could be rescued by her husband's credentials, who apparently was another celebrity singer of the country. With a confident grin she asked us, " I am sure you guys know Ice T?" For a split second I thought she asked me if I would like to have some Ice TEA, as in the beverage , tea. But it turned out it was her famous rapper husband. By now, she seemed utterly disappointed  that we didn't listen to rap and her husband was nothing but a name of a beverage for us. She still went on to tell us about profesdional life and work,  that she is expecting their first baby, coincidentally her due date was same as mine. And of course the conversation continued. It was indeed absolutely a pleasure talking to her. We spoke of many things though she had to give up trying to explain her celebrity status, and throughout the time spent sitting in that waiting area, we had a good chat, a good laugh and said goodbye to each other as my turn came to get the ultrasound done. I had almost completely forgotten the whole episode until I reached home and before retiring to bed that night, I mentioned about my meeting with Coco Austin to my husband. Like most men, he has the habit of Googling every new word , name practically anything new that he hears. He couldn't believe I met her at the hospital and then showed me her Wikipedia site. That's when I recalled the whole episode of meeting Coco and her confused expressions made perfect sense to me now. And I regretted not having clicked a picture together, for atleast my damn blog sake!😀

       Nicole Natalie Marrow, commonly known as Coco Austin, Coco, Coco Marie Austin, Coco Marie, Coco-T, is an American actress, dancer, glamour model and web personality. She has been married to rapper-actor Ice-T (Tracy Marrow) since January 2002.

       As luck would have it, we met again in the same hospital. This time me and my husband were on our way out of the hospital with our new born 2 day old baby boy. Coco was sitting at the guest lounge area and she came running to say Hi!! Isn't that so sweet of her. She congratulated us and I kept thinking how did she recall me after a week of our casual meet!!! She indeed has a huge memory of all the other huge assets she is blessed with😎

Coco Austin and husband Ice T

       My baby was born almost four weeks early so she was still a month away from her due date. We hugged this time and exchanged pleasantries.  I wished her luck and left. Throughout the drive back home, though I was already a beaming happy new mom but it made me happier to have met Coco, to know that an American celebrity remembered me by my name, and to top it all she was so nice to talk to, no celebrity airs, no big talks, no swag, just a human being talking to another one. It definitely impressed me and of course not to forget, the WOW moment of the day. My son's first meet with Coco when he was just two days old. Well I do have some spicy stories to share with my baby, of course when he's a grown man. Though he is already had a few celebrity meet and cuddles. Lucky lad!! FYI she has been blessed with a baby girl whom she has named Baby Chanel. Coco & Chanel wishing you a happy healthy life. Hope to meet again sometime soon.

Merci Merci America

     While a new year dawned , it made me think long and hard as to what should I open my 2017 series of blogging with. There were many thoughts and stories dying to wriggle out of the corners of my mind. But which and what would be apt to set the right tone for the rest of the year , was indeed a big question? I finally decided to take gratitude as the epicenter of my first write up of 2017. Rhonda Byrne author of "The Secret" says " If you make time to list all the things you are grateful for,  and feel the feelings of gratitude, you will feel amazing everyday".
           
                 

                 

       A year and a half ago my husband got posted to New Jersey, for a project for six months. I was already around four months into my pregnancy then. The thought of shifting base to an unknown country away from friends & family , at a time when I desperately needed them, if nothing but for comfort and valued advice, made me skeptical. But there were not many options to make desired choices .  With our bleak finances, it was the most logical move, to make circumstances better for our future. I became even more cynical when my husband had to fly without me because my visa was still work in progress and his project leaders became adamant about his immediate reporting, like a soldier summoned during emergency 😞. Guess that's  how IT companies work. So I flew 2 weeks later , alone and pregnant, to join my husband. The journey was uneventful but tiring. I reached USA in June of 2015. The moment I came out of the exit gates of Newark Airport, I could see my husband waiting for me with flowers and almost tearful with joy. It is moments like these when you realize the deeper meaning of a man-woman relationship. The next few days we were in a hotel until we found a nice apartment in New Milford, NJ. The moment I stepped inside our tiny one bedroom apartment,  it felt like a never before home sweet home. 15 days of stay at the hotel, which was situated on a highway, with nowhere to go, and no one to talk to, made my days long , dreary and boring until my husband, the knight in shining armor arrived from office to listen to my constant chatter. I quickly got busy in setting up our kitchen. We were living on bare essentials since we were supposedly to be returning back to India post six months.
         
     

   

   Slowly I started venturing out of the house on walks and spending more time on the Internet, learning how to cook Indian recipes😉. Yeah you are right , I barely ever cooked before. My social media connect was on a all time high. Last but not the least , something which I otherwise would hate to do but now , with so much time to kill, I became a typical TV series enthusiast. Of all these activities the one which I loved the most, were my walks. At times solitary but by evening my husband would tag along. We would also walk down to the grocery store to pick our weekly groceries. The best part about these these walks was , I got to meet people. Even on my solitary walks most Americans passing by would smile and say a polite Hello'. I cannot express the joy I found in these greetings. Somehow it made me feel welcome to this country and a relief to realize I had friendly people around. I come from a genre who love to have fair bit of social connect. I feel extremely delighted to have guests at home and to have friends, family and neighbors to exchange pleasantries. Before marriage, due to a demanding job , I hardly ever had time to socialize though I still did my bit once in a while.
         
             

   
   As days passed, my circle started to grow. I had lovely American neighbors next door and across the street. A neighbor from a nearby apartment became one of my best friend,  infact almost a soul sister. We would talk for hours about everything under the sun and we felt a connection instantly. Different cultures, customs, nationalities, festivals always intrigued me and hence these conversations with people from various backgrounds were fabulously interesting. Throughout my pregnancy my next door neighbor, Lisa, who is a part time Uber driver, took the responsibility of dropping and picking me up from my doctors appointments and the many ultrasound and tests that I had to go through at the hospital and doctor's clinic. While driving me to and from the clinic, Lisa and I would talk about parenting. She has single handedly brought up a 17 year old daughter. I have seen her working relentlessly just to give a better Life to her daughter. My interactions with all my American friends, mostly in the middle income group, made me understand the hard American life that most people lead here. With no domestic help life here gets quite tough managing, job, household chores, children, finances, insurance aah! The list just never ends. In fact it could be quite daunting at times. I became one among the bandwagon too, the only difference was, it was lot harder for me to adapt having always had the luxury of domestic help and a fiercely independent life. But the more conversations I had with my friends here, I became more grateful thinking about my life back in India. I also began appreciating American way of living. Specially single mothers who I think could be literally called super women, at least I would love to call them so😍😍

          My shift of base to the US, spread like wildfire amongst my school and college friends living here with their families. Thanks to FaceBook, a small update and the world can know your whereabouts. What followed after that was rendezvous with friends whom I havent met or seen in years ,dinner and lunch invitations, get together and celebrations. Even the ones who lived in different states called often to wish well and offer valuable advice on how to deal my pregnancy efficiently. These calls became quite customary later and honestly,  today when I look back, don't know what I would have done without them. 

       It's been a year and half in the US for us and everyday I start with a little prayer of thanks and end with one. Everyday I have found many reasons to be happy and to make others happy.  Some of my life's firsts has been celebrated in this country. My First Anniversary,  Birth of my baby boy, Baby's  first birthday, First Snowfall, First Halloween,  First Thanksgiving dinner .....Life just became a celebration of gratitude. Merci Merci America! These days shall be carved in my memories as one of the bestest days of my life. In hope of making many more memories of love and gratitude. CHEERS to a beautiful 2017.