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| Wish I could say thank you for one last time! |
It's my birthday month and while my husband got busy preparing surprises for my upcoming birthday I somehow didn't have a good feeling about it. It's rather strange. I have been known in my circle of friends to always have celebrated my birthday in a grand fashion. Post marriage my husband made sure the saga continued. In fact he almost reminded me of my father and the way he pampered on this special day. This year however it was a life changing month of August for me. Two weeks prior to my birth date early morning, I got a call from my brother in India. Daddy is no more! He said. Though I knew it was coming all along but I just could not make peace with it. Last two years have been excruciatingly difficult for him health wise. And on the 10th of Aug, at the crack of dawn, he passed away peacefully in his sleep. He was 84.
The bestest time a daughter has in her lifetime is when she is in the cocoon of Daddy's kingdom. She is the ultimate princess. It's been so long yet beautiful memories never blur. Those days daddy was posted out of the city and his short monthly trips to home was something that I eagerly waited for. Though not realizing then, how much he meant to me and how much I valued him for what he has done for all of us. Despite the tiring journey to be with family he would embrace us with gifts and get down to check on our school progress reports. He never expressed happiness or displeasure on our academic performance but would say, " you can do even better next time". I have fond memories of those evening outings that he would take me to. My favourite activity was visiting the only park of the city, then, and feed the fishes in the pond after playtime in the swings and slides. The evening would end with a scrumptious meal at one of the restaurants in that area. Both of us loved Chinese food and I learnt to eat with a fork and knife from him. Such happy moments! Years later when I left home to pursue my career , distance made me distant from my father. Self centric as I had become , I slowly pushed away the most loving man of my life. I was drowning in the life of independence and getting used to the metropolitan living. In between there were few conversations with him over the phone , some nice some bitter. Nevertheless I loved him and yet there was a time I had a lot of resentment and anger towards him.
Everybody is blessed with a father but it takes a lot to become a Daddy. Today when I am left with nothing but a flashback of sweet memories of Daddy, all I can recall is the ever so dutiful dad that he was, working hard to provide for the family , the very best that he could. He dedicated his entire life to his family, and when I say family I mean our extended paternal and maternal family. For him everybody was part of one big unit. I visited him two months before his demise. It was painful to see the man, who once toiled in the heat, sun and rain reduced to almost nothing. The hardest part of growing up is seeing your parents grow old. Dad had become frail and feeble. He lost his vision and suffered from dementia. As I sat by his side trying to strike up a conversation, I realized I was erased from his memory. He couldn't figure out who I was and why I called him daddy. I felt a lump on my throat and yet I tried to remind him everyday for the next five days. It was all in vain. I returned back to the US, and I knew it was the last time I was seeing him alive! May his soul rests peacefully and may he be reborn with extreme good fortune and karma. I wish daddy that you be happy and spread happiness as you did always. Lots of love ~ forgotten daddy's little girl!
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