More is Not Enough!..... Mommies, take it easy, I say!

           Life as a bachelorette was a completely different world. A world where I made my rules, and my fiesty upbringing contributed a lot towards it. So if anyone ever dared to make me feel or say that I am not enough, God save that soul. I learnt it the hard way but sooner I understood that to have a life of my own with the dignity I demanded irrespective of my non conformist attitude, I had to brave it out. And oh! Boy, what a fight it has been and I am fairly happy with the way things have turned out so far. Despite the constant wagging tongue of extended family & acquaintances, some even so called friends, trying to dictate how I should fit into the norm of socially acceptable woman, according to a long list of hypocritical standards, I still followed my heart. I defied almost every other typical norm with no regrets. There was absolutely no room to hear or take on any form of rubbish.

         With this attitude life kept moving, sometimes smooth and at times bumpy yet things kept falling into place until one fine day. On this day, I became a mother to a beautiful baby boy in 2015. Life was full of happiness, a state of sheer bliss. Everyday I faced a new challenge but still found reasons to be happier than the day before. Not knowing how to handle this new roller coaster ride, at times I would be overwhelmed with the thought of whether I was doing things right. After all even I wanted to be the best mom. I took one day at a time, spoke to cousins and friends, and I got better with each passing day and slowly started to gather my confidence. Eventually few months later I realized that, being a mother is about learning of strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. It's a journey unique to every mother and her story of upbringing her child. But is it that simple? It isn't complicated either, if only, we, as women could have been more compassionate towards each other.

           The first few months as a new mom are the most difficult ones. You are suddenly exposed to a world which you had no clue earlier. Lucky are the ones who have their parents or elders to tend to their daughters during this time. It was in this difficult phase that I realized how vulnerable I was. My strong fiesty nature somehow vanished. I was seeking help, a hug, comforting words and at times a shoulder to cry. I started browsing through Internet sites to reaffirm if I was doing things right, only to be utterly disappointed. These articles and websites were full of negative comments by mom's who would blatantly accuse of other moms of the most ridiculous things you have ever heard. Things like mom's who do not breastfeed are labelled lazy, selfish if they decide to pursue career and put the child in daycare or just plain , you are not enough! Infact it used to be a loud,  YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH, with a tight virtual slap. It pained me even more, and I would seek refuge in friends, and Thank God for them, they would bring back my sanity. My birthing was in America, far away from my country, India, still conservative in many aspects, where a woman is subjected to judgements throughout her life, specially a new mom. It is like everyone else knows better than the new mommy herself. It could get to a point of suffocation where nothing that you do, for your child, is enough, why??? Because somebody in the family or in extended family has had the privilege of rearing a child before you did. For that matter even if it is few months or 30 years earlier. You remain a subject of microscopic scrutiny day after day.

         I assumed, my life would be much better than those women back in my country, since I was in one of the most developed countries in the world. A country where women are as empowered as men. To my dismay, the story of motherhood remain the same and probably will be the same in any corner of the world map. Sad but true. I therefore decided to stay away from negative thoughts and comments and started to discover my own unique journey of motherhood. And why not, every child is unique and hence motherhood itself becomes an unique journey.

            The idea after all is to raise happy, healthy, confident little people who would grow up to not only be successful but most importantly be happy in life. So why can't a woman be that anchor in another woman's life. Is it really necessary to yell and prove that I am right and she, is wrong? Dont you think we, as women should be even more empathetic towards another when it is about making individual choices. I mean choices of a certain mother does in no way affect the choices of another mother. It is made with the bestest intention in mind, purely thought for the happiness of the child. Then why beat each other black and blue even on a virtual platform.

           It is perfectly ok for a mother to make certain choices regarding her child that may appear adverse to you or not upto your liking. But do we really know the circumstances under which that mother has had to make those choices. No right! We can't be sitting at the comfort of our homes and bashing up another mother just because her choice does not resonate with you. You never know what she has been going through, maybe she was alone with no help whatsoever, and looking for comfort in your response to deal with a certain situation. We all mothers must have gone through such moments at some point in time. The least we can do , is not add up to her existing dilemma. And even if you disagree to her view point, it is fine as long as you agree to disagree and state what you might have done best in that particular situation. Atleast do not hush her up with obscene accusations. Let's learn to be more empathetic rather more tolerant, specially to a new mom. She needs it, I needed it badly, and I can swear mostly women need someone to listen to her woes during this vulnerable phase. More so if you are handling this roller coaster ride all alone. It is utmost important to show kindness and compassion to a fellow mom when she is striving to be the best that she could. We all have gone through this beautiful yet overwhelming phase, let's pledge to be not just a good mom but also a good fellow mom.

With love from a New Mom

Valentine Cacophony

One Love is all you Need❤

It is finally that day of the year when LOVE is everywhere to be seen and heard. At a certain point during the day it almost feels like a volcano of emotions got erupted. It's a good feeling though (to many of us)and no matter what the critics have to say, it does feel good to show or acknowledge love in an extra special way on 14th of Feb every year. I really do not have much memory of when Valentines day became a celebration in India. But as a teen growing up in a small city by the river Brahmaputra, Valentines day was about roses and a crowded Archies shop, the only one in the city. While coming back from school we would see couples dressed up and exchanging roses, gifts and maybe more. Some of my classmates overwhelmed with proposals from eligible boys from other schools (ours was an all girls school). I however had the longest wait before anyone offered a rose on Valentines day. I finished school, college, started job and every year I would always be a silent spectator of this mega event. There was a faint hope within, that someday I would be in love and be loved and celebrating valentine's day would be an annual event in my life too. The day did come with a bang when I met my husband in 2013 and we celebrated a grand valentine's in 2014. But prior to that the wait was the longest one. Over the years, expression of love that I witnessed growing up got lost with the advent of advanced technology.  A virtual world opened up and loving each other was more about sending texts, whatsapp pings, Orkut, Facebook, now twitter et al and this has become the glitterati of Valentines celebration. There's nothing wrong in it though in expressing your love to your partner in a way that half the world gets to know. Well thats how fast word travels in the virtual world. The only thing that bothers me is cynics ought to learn to live & let live. I mean in todays world, love is needed in abundance, so if someone expresses his or her emotions on their own virtual account, why does it have to be trolled by another?

Though love happened much later in my life but I always hoped and believed in love. There was never any cynicism around it. Even as a bachelorette I would celebrate by going out for shopping, gifting self with goodies, hanging out with friends.I knew that Love is valuable and it doesn't come easily. People get shattered in their pursuit of finding love and to be loved. After all who doesn't want to be the most important person in someone's life! But sometimes life can be hard, I know this because I have been in that zone long ago. To put life's scattered pieces back together and to move on, is easier said than done. But in the end we have to do it and keep moving until we find the right love . And when I say right love I mean " Love that helps you become the best person you can be~Chetan Bhagat". But until you find the right love let the rest of the world peacefully be in love. There's no reason to be filled with so much angst and criticism. To each his own!

This year as the clock struck midnight , officially it was 14th of Feb. And suddenly there is a spate of Facebook feeds with mushy declarations for better halves, thanking for a beautiful life, hardships sailed together to pictures of dinner dates, changing profile pictures with a Valentines frame and so on. It feels good to see love in so many corners of the world when the other half of the world is falling apart in war, hatred and conflicts. However I am still amazed to see equal amount of trolls and idle banter about Valentines day. I have some extracts from the posts I picked from my feeds to give you a flavor of the anti Valentine brigade. Here's the first one😎




Jesus Christ! I am in a happy relationship. Just like I love my birthday but I celebrate it only once a year. Similarly I love my husband but I take the excuse of Valentine day to show him , I care. Lest he forgets, you see life isn't easy with a toddler in the house and doing cleaning, cooking, washing all by yourself, love  certainly flies out of the window with other priorities taking over.

      There were some really funny and some heart warming posts too.

Isn't true for a lot of us!

                   

Recipe for Love~game anyone? 😍       

A very well known bollywood actress turned author and columnist also wrote her version of Valentines Day celebration which got published in a leading daily newspaper. It talked about the chemical reactions that ignites the so called feeling of love. It did have elements of humor but some tooth breaking vocabulary too.I woke up early morning to read the headlines of a newspaper quoting a country that denounced the celebration of Valentines day because it was against their religious beliefs. I am almost exhausted reading all the hue and cry over a certain day dedicated to love. Nevertheless it still wouldn't stop people playing cupid on this day. For all we need in life is just One Love to Live!

I couldn't end this Cacophony without quoting the most impactful proverb by Tyler Knott Gregson ~" How unique to this human experience that we all just wish to be the most important thing on earth to someone else".

So Love yourself first and you will be able to love more. Happy Valentine's day to the ones celebrating, the ones who are waiting, the ones who are broken, it's time to put the pieces together again, the ones who loved & lost, the ones who was lost only to be loved once again.......keep weaving your own unique journey of love!

I made a Miracle happen!

        By dictionary definition a Miracle is ~ "A surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency". In my case though the literal meaning of this word did not deem fit yet I still could not define it as any other phenomenon but a miraculous one. Maybe because it played against the odds of having one with many like me.

        A lot of us grow up with the dream of having a good education, a good career, eventually get married to an ideal partner and then of course the life cycle of procreation and having the pride of extending your lineage to the next generation continues. The caveat, however, to all of the above milestones is that it should preferably happen by a certain timeline. Not because society has a norm but more of the biological clock that fiercely ticks away, waiting for none, no matter how much ones tries to run against it.  Well, there is a huge number of the entire population on earth for whom these milestones seem to happen almost just at the right time. Except for far and few like me. Now the same situation is not applicable to individuals who dream big. Marriage and family takes a back seat and they are busy with their life's pursuits. But it wasn't like that for me. I fall into that large category of human species who did not want to delay marriage and family by choice but it was purely coincidental and to a large extent circumstantial. I mean, what do you do, if for reasons unknown , you end up finding the wrong person twice in your life. Thank goodness! Atleast I had the strength not to succumb to emotional misguidance.

       So I waited and decided that if marriage has to happen, it should be a great partnership for life. This decision was a tough one as most of my so called extended family, some of my so called friends would always come up with the most innovative ways to taunt. But it made me even more thick skinned. Today I am glad I became one. Eventually I got married to a person I almost half imagined the way he should be as a person. But it all happened when I was all of 34 years!!  Way beyond the biological clock.

      Me and my husband had an amazing story of how we organized the wedding all on our own. The wedding was a great success and the outcome was a bunch of happy family and friends. Life after marriage was as exciting as our courtship period. We had an amazing 10 months of marriage when one day both of us mutually decided to travel the path of parenthood.  Since we were of the same age , we assumed conceiving naturally may be difficult for us. Hence we agreed  to give it a try for maximum 6 months post which we will consult a good gynecologist for way forward. But destiny had already made the plans. A month later I missed my period date. I did not worry at all as it had happened few times before. But when the delay lasted for more than a week I got anxious.  My husband told me to do a home pregnancy test. I laughed it off saying it can't be possible. But nevertheless the next day I still went ahead with the test. We were stunned when it came positive. My husband got excited too but we held our composure till we get a thorough check up done. We got the doctors appointment after two days. Those 48 hours were of intensity, tension and restlessness.  I wanted to cry when the doctor confirmed that the pregnancy was positive. But she told us to wait for another week by which I would have completed 6 weeks into pregnancy , which is the ideal time to check the vital stats of the foetus.  I kept calm throughout that week and requested my husband not to mention to anybody until we are absolutely sure. I wanted to be happy, scream with excitement and announce it from the top of a mountain to everyone. But my pessimism held me back. I just kept thinking how could I be so lucky when I know of so many couples who are trying to have a child for years and gone through various treatments and yet were unsuccessful. How could it happen so easily to me? Guess these kind of thoughts creep in when life has given things to you the hard way.

         When the lab reports of my tests came, the doctor proudly announced that a happy healthy baby has started growing inside me. The feeling of seeing a little human grow inside of you through an ultrasound is almost inexplicable . All thanks to modern science & technology and its gifts to mankind. The virtual image of a tiny baby was nothing less than a near miracle for us. The next few months went pretty slow or maybe it seemed slow as I was waiting anxiously for the baby to arrive. Thankfully I did not go through any major complications. But I still kept my fingers crossed,  hoping everything would be fine and I would be blessed with a happy healthy baby soon. Though my inherent character is extremely optimistic but during my whole pregnancy I struggled with pessimism.  I used to have nightmares of waking up and finding my baby is gone or something worse has happened.  Later while reading an article on pregnancy I found these symptoms were quite common especially in first pregnancy. In my 37th week I was diagnosed with a liver complication.  The doctors decided to induced me into labor . I have always been extremely scared of hospitals and doctors. This decision did worry my husband a lot and me slightly. But I had immense faith in the work of the Divine. I let go of my fears and just decided to take a moment at a time. I was admitted to Englewood hospital by 4pm on 16th November, Monday,  2015 and on the 17th of November 2015, at 12.25pm I delivered a happy healthy wide eyed baby boy without any  further complications.  Ten minutes post my little boy was born the nurses latched him against my chest. As I held him, it dawned on me that the greatest miracle on earth has been bestowed on us. I am the blessed one to be able to make such a beautiful baby, a work purely of the Divine. I have always led a mediocre life, a job which paid my bills, struggling to make a good life for myself, learning with life's experiences,  there was nothing extraordinary that I have done so far until that fateful moment.

When I held my tiny bundle of Miracle close to my heart, life never felt more beautiful😍

     If ever in life I would achieve anythiing worthwhile of being called extraordinary , still I know for sure it can never be close to the miracle of bringing my baby boy to this world. A phenomenon which for me is and will always be a Miracle even if I know it is a biological and scientific process that many many women around the world experience in their life cycle. My birthing process shall be my Miracle forever!!